“I have seen more church leaders fired over a lack of soft skills than hard skills. Schools primarily train for hard skills. Churches primarily hire for hard skills, but fire over soft skills.”  J. D. Payne, a Professor of Christian Ministry at Samford University

When searching for a new pastor or key leader, churches often focus on finding candidates with measurable, verifiable expertise and experience. Data and doctrine tend to get all the attention. Factors like congregation size, budget, staff, and theological leanings are front and center during the vetting process—and for good reason. These are important considerations.

However, these crucial skills and résumé bullet points are rarely to blame when a church and leader part ways due to conflict down the road. More often than not, the issues can be traced back to soft skills that were overlooked during the hiring process.

As someone who spends most of my day helping churches find healthy leaders, I agree with Professor Payne’s observation. I regularly see situations unravel due to a lack of soft skills, despite robust leadership experience. Below, I’ll share some insights on soft skills and how to incorporate them into your search process.

Hard Skills vs. Soft Skills

Hard skills are observable, measurable, job-specific competencies and abilities required to complete tasks, such as technical knowledge or specialized training. For pastors, this includes the ability to preach, their level of education, size of the previous congregation, number of direct reports, and budget management. However, it’s the soft skills—empathy, communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence (EQ)—that truly make a pastor effective in the long term.

In reference to paralyzing church conflict, Craig Thompson writes in a Lifeway Research article:
"How often is this happening because of poor theology, bad preaching, or broken ecclesiology? As best as I can remember, not once."
He adds, "When I read 1 Timothy 3:1-7, the only hard skill that jumps off the page is 'able to teach.' The other qualifications are character traits and soft or relational skills—not hard skills that can be taught and measured with a textbook."

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) in Pastoral Leadership

Travis Bradberry defines EQ as, “The ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.”

~ According to Forbes, EQ is the #1 leadership skill for 2024 ~

In pastoral leadership, EQ is essential for creating meaningful connections, managing relationships, and navigating complex emotional situations. Key components of EQ that are vital for pastoral leadership include:

• Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding one’s emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. A self-aware pastor leads with authenticity and can adjust their approach based on reflection and feedback.

• Self-regulation: Managing emotions, particularly in stressful or challenging situations. A pastor who remains composed under pressure inspires confidence and trust in their leadership.

• Social awareness: The ability to empathize with others and read the emotional dynamics of a group. Pastors with strong social awareness respond with care and sensitivity to their congregation’s needs, creating a more supportive community.

• Relationship management: The ability to build and maintain positive relationships, foster teamwork, and resolve conflicts. A pastor with this skill inspires and motivates others while keeping the church united and focused on its mission.

How to Assess EQ During the Hiring Process

We can all agree that EQ is vitally important in pastoral leadership and should be explored thoroughly during the hiring process. But how? How do you assess amazing candidates for self-awareness or social awareness?

You must design your hiring process to include strategic questions and experiences, starting from the first call to the final interview. It’s essential to prioritize observations that focus on EQ, alongside requirements like preaching and financial management.

For example, here’s a key interview question I ask every candidate:
“How do people feel when you walk into the room? How do they feel when you walk out?”

Here is the wrong answer:
“I don’t know” or “You would have to ask them.”
These are real answers from candidates who did not progress to the next interview.

To highlight the purpose of this question, I’ll share a portion of Darryl Henson’s article Walk Slowly Through the Crowd:

John Maxwell coined the phrase, “Walk slowly through the crowd.” I first heard John Maxwell say that in an audio subscription I received monthly several years ago. That statement has impacted my leadership greatly. How does walking slowly through the crowd effect and increase our leadership? Let’s consider a scenario. You are up to your ears with work, you have deadlines to meet and you feel quite stressed. You are now going into a meeting of your board of directors. You walk in the room, sit down and announce, “We have a lot of material to cover so let’s get to work.” What did you miss? Now if you are task oriented you just now begin to think of what papers you are missing or what project presentation you forgot back in your office. But, what you missed is not the hard copy things of the organization. You missed the soft part of the organization. You missed the relationship that people need with you to do a good job.

What if you go back out of the board meeting room, close the door and start over? Now, pause and let your mind begin to embrace the people who will help you with the work. Open the door and say, “Hello everyone, I’m glad we can be together.” Then you preface your work agenda with comments about the value of each person on this team and how you expect to accomplish something great in the meeting.” What have you changed? You have changed your thinking to put value on the people and you have changed the atmosphere in doing so. In this second scenario it is assumed that you still have stress and you still have a heavy workload. That aspect has not changed. What did change is that you are now able to share that workload with those valued people you lead.

As a young pastor, I had to intentionally develop the art of walking slowly through the crowd. I used to rush past people on Sunday mornings, worried about every minor task. As I matured in leadership—and in EQ—I learned to slow down and connect genuinely, asking people about their families and lives.

When I ask candidates how people feel when they walk in the room, I’m gauging their self-awareness and how important people are to them. This is just one way I assess soft skills and measure EQ. I incorporate similar questions and scenarios throughout the process to prioritize these qualities.

Critical Questions to Explore

Here are some important questions to consider as you evaluate a pastoral candidate:

• Do they need to be right all the time?

• Do they easily take offense?

• Are they teachable?

• Do they need to be the center of attention?

• Do they have to be the smartest person in the room?

• Can they prioritize leading compassionately in the face of opposition?

These are not easy questions to answer, especially in a brief interview process. However, through years of experience, I’ve developed an effective conversational approach that incorporates questions and experiences designed to assess EQ in candidates.

The Blue Search Blueprint

At Blue Search, I understand that successful pastoral leadership requires more than just technical abilities. My comprehensive vetting process evaluates not only a candidate’s hard skills but also their emotional intelligence and interpersonal abilities. I prioritize finding pastors who demonstrate humility, empathy, adaptability, and strong communication skills because these qualities are critical for long-term success in pastoral leadership.

I am committed to helping churches find leaders with the right balance of hard and soft skills, ensuring long-term success and a transformative impact on their church community.

How can I help?

Blue Search exists to provide cost-effective search and placement services to churches through extraordinary service, advocacy and guidance. 

We welcome you to schedule a no-obligation discovery call to explore our Pastor Search Blueprint and see how we can assist your church. Regardless of where you are in your search process, Blue Search can enhance and strengthen your Pastor Search. Our commitment is to partner with you, guiding and advocating for your church every step of the way!  Schedule a call here 

Author: Malcolm Schaad